Why so serious?
(01001101 01110101 01100011 01101000 01100001 01110011 00100000 01000111 01110010 01100001 01100011 01101001 01100001 01110011 00100000 01000011 01101111 01101101 01110000 01100001 01110011 -look: translate the binary code-)
We didn’t know anything. They kind of explained it to us. We understood less. But afterwards, as they say, “we understood the concept in its full context”. Better said nothing at all. But it is significant that we were the victims of a “high level” cyber attack. Yes, we pretended like it was “no problem”, that “we should take precautionary measures”, that “we will see it through to its end”. But, the truth is, we asked ourselves if it wasn’t a result of the “clicks” we ourselves make to the page so that the number of visits grows. “perhaps a computer mouse enthusiest”, we thought. But that is a confidential matter, so we would appreciate it if you didn’t make that that public.
It was later that we were informed that it is calculated that, just in the United States, that the average annual cost of cyber attacks was 12.7 million dollars in 2014. We didn’t understand, I’m referring to the quantity. It was explained to us. Then we began to panic and, running, we went to check if our Pozol reserves had dwindled. Nothing. “levels stable”, said the sentry (that is to say that there is enough for the tributes and seminar). Up to that point all is well. The problem was, that in order to celebrate that they cyber attack had failed to celebrate our fortified vaults where we store “the gold of the LXIX century”, we threw a party and danced to electronic music by the local community diyis. The result? Our strategic reserves were significantly diminished and now we have to replace them.
But, as they say, it’s official: Neozapatismo has entered the 21st century. Ok, ok, ok, we were late, but please consider that it’s only 2015.
Did you think that the image of modern Mexico was shopping in Beverly Hills, traveling by helicopter or in an electoral ad? Wrong! 404 Error! Erreur! Fehler! Oшибка!
The page of the Eezeeelen received a c-y-b-e-r attack!
Ok, ok, ok, we don’t know exactly what that means (we, being so premodern, are only used to attacks by soldiers, police, paramilitaries and various bureaucrats), but it sounds a lot like one of those, of much caché, of higher class my dear, first world problems.
Oh, I never thought this day would come! Eat your hearts out Sony, Microsoft and Apple! Wallow in envy Obama, Putin and Merkel! Writhe in fury Walmart, Carrefour, Tesco and Metro! Buy your antacids Samsung, LG and Motorola! Faint cola soft drinks, junk food and fast food! Don’t deny your humiliation International Monetary Fund, World Bank, and World Trade Organization!
So we took it at face value: a small tribute to our humble and silent labor of constantly “clicking” the web page so that we would get an increase in “web traffic” and, soon, receive payment for announcing self-help courses, Elvish, dohtraki, higher valyrio, klingon and na’vi language classes, and clearly, our “online” offer for the “speedy Huarache”.
Well in reality and in La realidad, all of this is nothing more than an excuse to send you all a hug and to tell you:
Thank you to the band, the commoners, the crew, the barrio, the brotherhood, the sisterhood, the camaraderie or however you say it, who spotted us, helped, did backup, or support and who, as they say now-a-days, “replicated” the content on their own pages, tuits, feis and on chats closest to each of your respective hearts. As it is likely that it will happen again, we take the opportunity to reiterate: Thank you (please use the scientific method of “copy and paste” with this thanks because it won’t be the last time).
From the cyber concierge, protected by the hyper modern firewall Pozolware 6.9.
SupGaleano, fighting with my cat-dog for the rights of copyleft.
(Nah, it’s for the popcorn…And I was the first in line!)
Mexico, April 2015
From the notebook of Cat-Dog:
Looking for who to blame:
.- Hypothesis in “Moderate Hysteria” mode: Without a doubt it was the reptilian-ancient-illuminati-narcoglobalist-electoral-partisans.
.-Hypothesis in “High Misogynist Politics” mode: It was Frank Underwood, but under the bad advice of Clair… Ok, ok, ok, By Petrov then?
.- Report from Big Brother, received at the Pentagon: (Overview of what was observed in the “Situation Room” of the “East Wing” of the Zapatista Hexagon. Reporting: Echelon System. April 7, 2015, 2330 zulu hour): “the opinions are divided: someone said that it was an attack by us -the Pentagon-. Another that it was the Kremlin. One other that it was Buckingham Palace, the Iron Palace, Liverpool or Sears. Nobody thought it was the Eiffel Tower (which brought a sense of calm, because they were worried about their comrades from Tameratong).
One sourpuss pointed out that everyone knew that the new season of Game of Thrones would bring nothing good. One indescribable character, who looked like a dog…or maybe a cat…or vis-versa, took out a picket sign that read: Soon we will inaugurate our section “spoiler alert”.
It seemed that they would all come to an agreement when all of the sudden you could hear the sound of a marimba being tuned. In the audio-recording the voices become chaotic, confused and you can only make out one time of exclamation: “Sour Pozol!”. It must be some sort of alarm signal because the “Situation Room” and the entire wing of this complex was left deserted.
(end of the report demostrates that all of the budget designated for the labor of espionage are wages tossed to the garbage of cyberspace).
.-Section “There is a Trending Topic in your future”. Suggestions for solidarity hashtags:
I give faith:
(grunts and snorts)
Translated by Multi-Medios Karani